


Reduce, Reuse, Re-spiral

by faintwalker



Category: Itsuwaribito Utsuho
Genre: (most of the time), Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Canon Event Interpreted as Suicide Attempt, Chapter 198 is followed partway then deviated from, Developing Friendships, Enemies to Friends, Everyone Tries Their Best, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Injuries & Health Concerns, Miscommunication, Non-Sexual Kink, Past Abuse, RATED LIKE CANON-- 16 & UP!, Recovery, Self-Worth Issues, Slow-Burn Platonic Relationships, Suicidal Thoughts, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, distrust to trust, medical treatment, past canonical character death, self-neglect
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:08:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25484455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faintwalker/pseuds/faintwalker
Summary: Uzume asks him to stay, to live.  Kagyu figures he may as well oblige him.(If it hurts-- and itwill--it won't be anything Kagyu doesn't deserve.)
Relationships: Azako Utsuho & Kagyu, Azako Utsuho & Uzume, If they're close in canon expect to see that here, Kagyu & The Group, Kagyu & Uzume, Uzume & Habaki Chouza, Yashima Iwashi/Nibyou Hikae (background)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! You know how manga has that older teen rating meant for ages 16 and up? **This fic also has that rating.** Please proceed with caution, as this fic deals with characters with unhealthy mindsets. Some chapters will have specific warnings in the author's notes covering things not mentioned in the tags, so check if you have concerns. I'm here to talk if you have questions.
> 
> Speaking of questions, I am on tumblr under the same username. Find posts related to this fic under the tag RRR-s.
> 
> This chapter uses some dialogue from chapters 197 and 198 of the official translation of the manga. This should be the only incidence of canon dialogue usage to such an extent. I am not here to give you something you've already read.
> 
> Chapter one starts shortly after the last fight between Utsuho's group and Gin's forces. Hope you enjoy!

Kagyu heads back towards Owari’s castle fully expecting to find the townspeople celebrating the defeat of Utsuho’s gang of so-called bandits, so the purpose of the mourning banners is initially lost on him. It is not until he is walking through the town’s streets that he hears the tearful recountings of Lord Hobaku Gin’s brave sacrifice. He nearly goes to the castle anyway, because a story of Gin’s defeat…

… It can’t be _real,_ can it?

His wounds need treatment. He needs to find Gin and the others. The castle should be the surest bet.

Still, something is clearly amiss, so he ends up returning to the mountains to hole up in the shack his last gambit failed next to.

@ @ @

Gin has never lost, not once in his life. The concept is impossible; the very thought completely ludicrous. Even considering that he might not have come out on top should be ridiculous, but, as one day and then another passes without a signal of any sort, Kagyu starts to feel an unwelcome dread seeping in. He should face it: he’s out here alone in a shack because he doubts. The atmosphere of the town was enough to leave him shaken.

Kagyu mulls things over in the shack while he mops blood from his skin and ties strips torn from the sleeves of his underlayer around anything still bleeding. He has no proof either way. Gin has no reason to waste time or resources looking for or conveying information to a failure of an underling. Still, Gin should be in the castle if he’s won, with no need to fake his death. Gin would never accept failure. So, he either has a good reason for an extreme change of plans, or…

Or….

@ @ @

While searching the mountain for a clue to Gin’s location, Kagyu thinks about the guy from Ashihara whom he fought against. The guy’s parting words had been way too kind, considering Kagyu had done his utmost to kill him. Never really disliking him, well, Kagyu can admit he feels the same. It had been a bit sad, fighting someone with whom he felt a slight sense of kinship. Some feeling remains, carried within him like an additional wound.

If Gin has won, that man is now dead. It’s a shame, the way things have to be. The guy was a strong fighter who just wouldn’t give up, so he must have kept giving it his all even after taking Kagyu out. He’d had injuries from some previous scuffles, too. Kagyu has roughed him up more than once in the span of this conflict. 

It had been a bit weird for Utsuho’s group to keep that guy around for combat yet go so far to prevent him from killing, in Kagyu’s opinion. Kagyu had recognized the murderer in him. There had been a moment where he had thought that face would be the last thing he would see.

He is alive, though, so the others of Gin’s group probably are too, unless they’d also lost but had proven to be too much trouble to defeat without killing. Roji probably wouldn’t live through a loss, considering his inability to feel pain. A body can’t properly care for itself without pain as an indicator, after all. Kagyu doesn’t know about Iwaji, but Rama and Kin are probably back by Gin’s side already. Kin certainly wouldn’t lose.

Kagyu passes through some areas that have clearly played stage to the recent battles without finding any bodies. When he gets to it, the ruined tower has enough blood to cover multiple fatalities. He figures Gin must have fought against Utsuho here, and most likely the Ashiwaran guy fought Gin too. Kagyu tries to track the course of the battle from the bloodstains, but he must not be that good at it because what he reads from it can’t make sense. The largest spot of blood is, from a distance, hemmed at the sides by the smaller ones, and the person it belonged to doesn’t seem to have walked away. There are too many bloodstains for Gin to have been the one with superior numbers, not that he should need them. This whole thing could be a lie set up by Gin to fool those looking, but why go to the effort? Gin should be in the castle with things back on track for his marriage plans to that rather dense-seeming princess. If Gin’s enemies won, the townspeople wouldn’t be calling Gin a hero and singing his praises still, right? Gin has to have won, but then where is he?

On the way out, Kagyu notices something he really shouldn’t have missed earlier. Kin’s sword is laying on the floor, the blade clean. Kagyu can think of no explanation.

It doesn’t look like he will be finding his answers on the mountain.

@ @ @

Each day Kagyu lingers near the town for a while. It’s a rough trip with his injuries, but he can still move. He has moved through worse. There are bushes by one of the main entry roads that he can rest behind. People pass by with their chatter, and he learns what he can. The “bandits” seem to have been defeated, but the town still mourns.

The weight forming in his heart makes getting back to the shack more difficult each time. He almost wonders why he bothers.

@ @ @

Dragging himself up and down a mountain each day is getting him nowhere. Kagyu lets the shack’s wall support him as he slumps to the floor. There is barely any water left and he can’t carry more back. Cooking meals is hard with his vision still a bit blurry and a slight tremor in his arms, although food will hardly seem like an issue once he runs out of water. He can’t live out here much longer. The question is, can he live anywhere? If he can’t find Gin, is there even a point?

The castle might still be his best bet of finding someone, or at least some information that hasn’t been shared with the common folk. Tomorrow, he decides, he’ll try to make it there. Worst case scenario, he gets caught by law enforcement. In the best case scenario, Gin takes him back.

He would do anything to get Gin to take him back, even if Gin never shows him a single kindness again.

@ @ @

Kagyu leaves his hood behind when he heads to the castle. At the moment, his own face is a better disguise. Common sense tells him he should leave his overclothes behind, too, but the security he feels while wearing them wins out. Gin will recognize him no matter how he looks, and if by some miniscule chance he runs into Utsuho’s group instead, well, that guy from Ashihara would have been able to identify him even without the spikes and black cloth. If neither group is there, he’ll just have to run for it if he’s spotted. Even injured as he is, he might be able to pull it off.

As his harness is broken, Kagyu opts to leave his baton behind as well. Less attention will be drawn to him if he travels without a weapon in hand, and the likelihood of him finding himself in a situation where he’ll need to use it is rather low. Besides, holding it the whole way would be quite the hassle.

He makes it through town without any incident simply by walking the streets. Most likely this means no wanted posters are circulating of him, which he chalks down as a point in the favor of Gin’s survival. Although, he must concede, it is also possible that Utsuho’s group takes preserving life far enough to let wanted criminals roam free if they might otherwise be put to death. He doesn’t understand the ideology of the opponents Gin picked this time well enough to eliminate that option.

Castle security is a bit more relaxed than it was the last time Kagyu was there, and he’s able to slip past the guards without trouble. The first place he heads to is Gin’s most recent chambers of residence, but they are empty. The rooms have been cleaned and aired out. There are even signs that traps were discovered and disabled, which could be a trap in itself, only Kagyu can’t really bring himself to buy into that idea.

Honestly, part of him really wants to leave the castle without determining anything at all. To do so wouldn’t be fair to Gin, though. Wouldn’t it just be a fancy way of giving up on him? Kagyu needs Gin, so he has to see this through.

Passing the meditation garden is what finally cracks open his delusions. A little girl sits there, completely still save for her breathing. Her hair is an unusual blue shade, easily recognizable. Kagyu feels drenched in cold water again at the sight of her, but she’s so focused that she doesn’t notice him, even when his knees give out.

She’s just a kid. There’s no way Gin would have spared her for that. It’s like the world has stopped spinning and Kagyu’s head has taken it up in its stead.

Gin wouldn’t have left her alive, but here she is, meditating in Owari’s castle seemingly at ease. There is no sign of Gin, and there hasn’t been for over a week. The girl could answer his questions if he asked, but she’d much more likely call the guards on him. Besides, is there a point to asking? Her presence is every answer Kagyu should need.

In a daze, he pulls himself to his feet and stumbles to a more shaded part of the castle grounds. Gin…

Gin _lost._

Gin would never lose while he still drew breath, so…

So.

So it’s over. Everything is over. His life has no point now, because everything important is gone. Mai and Gin, the two halves of his world. It’s only right that he follows.

A wretched laugh bubbles from his throat. This situation is _insane._ Gin was only fooling around with Utsuho and his allies for a bit of fun, and now his inability to take things seriously has gotten him… defeated. Who even knows what’s become of the others. Who even cares. His countryman was right; he should have tried to stop Gin from killing. Maybe then they all could have lived better lives, or at least lived. Gin is… gone, now. Gin is _gone,_ and Kagyu is alone now, without the slightest trace of value to anyone. Curled under some small decorative tree he lets himself cry, both for Gin and for his own pathetic existence.

There isn’t much left in him, so the tears don’t last long. He thinks over any loose ends in his life that could still use wrapping up and decides he should at least make Gin some kind of grave-like memorial marker before he kicks it. Gin treated him well and let him serve as a subordinate for quite some time, after all. 

He wonders if he should die attempting to get revenge on Utsuho’s group for bringing Gin down, but he can’t find any hatred in himself towards them. Gin wasn’t really a good person. Honestly, he was quite the deplorable villian in most of his doings, and taking him down the way they did was most likely a matter of self-defense in the end, if Kagyu’s own fight is anything to go off of. Kagyu understands that much, at least, so he finds he can die with no grudge against them.

How many of Utsuho’s group are even still alive, though? Rama killed that one guy, probably the lady he was shielding as well, and Kagyu doesn’t really care who made it or not except, now that he’s thinking about it, it would be nice to find out if that guy from Ashihara survived. Someone from his homeland living would be the only good thing about this tragic turn of events. 

So that makes a list of two things to accomplish before his end: he’ll check the castle for survivors and then leave to make Gin a grave. Standing up, he wipes his face and repaints his cheeks. It’s a big castle to covertly search for one person in, after all. It wouldn’t do to get caught before he’s seen his task through, and he’d rather not look like a mess while he does it. He staggers a bit as he sets off, but gets his balance back fast enough. He can make it a little farther. He only has to make it a little farther.

Kagyu wanders through courtyards and corridors. At one point he tries to climb a pillar in order to peer into a room on the next level up, but he can’t put enough strength in his hands to manage a secure grip. Every time he finds a door he stops to listen for voices. If the room is quiet, he’ll take a peek inside. Most are empty.

A few times he’s sure a servant spots him, but none of them act like they’ve seen an intruder. Either it’s paranoia on his part, or they think he’s supposed to be here. Kagyu tries to remember where the garden with the girl was. She’d seemed to care about the guy he’s looking for back when he saw them together before, so his location might be near hers.

A distraught voice raises in volume behind a closed door ahead of him. The speaker seems to be arguing with someone he can’t hear. Closing the gap, Kagyu listens in.

“Why not? What’s wrong with him?” the loud voice asks.

The second one is so quiet in comparison, Kagyu has to practically lean against the door in order to make out the words. In the end he misses the beginning of what’s being said, catching something about a loss of blood.

“Our final clash with Hobaku… may have been the last straw…”

A pang goes through him at Hobaku, because that means Gin, and a final clash really solidifies that further conflicts aren’t possible. It hurts less to hear since he’s already gathered as much, but it doesn’t stop his heart from _wrenching._ On the positive side, diminutive as it is, this does mean Kagyu has found some of Utsuho’s group. Closer to his objective means closer to the pain ending. He keeps listening.

Volume increasing further in desperation, the loud voice demands, “Can’t you do anything?!” 

“You know the answer to that. I’m sorry…” the softer voice says, trailing off.

So someone is dying from blood loss, and someone who another person thinks could possibly do something can’t stop it. Kagyu is pretty sure that group had a doctor. If that’s the case, it’s not likely to be a lack of knowledge on blood transfusion as much as blood availability, and if they’re helpless in the middle of a busy town and castle, then the person dying is probably…!

Kagyu pushes the door open before even thinking up an explanation. The first person he notices is a familiar green-haired guy, last seen by him bleeding out on the ground while someone, probably the doctor, operated on a gruesome chest cavity wound. His care for the Ashiwaran guy, or at least the guy’s dedication to preserving life, has proved to be quite officially insane, so if he’s the one starting to yell, this has to be the right place.

The guy notices him too, of course, thanks to his anything-but-subtle entrance.

“Who--? You!” he says, settling his weight into more of a fighting stance. “You fought for Hobaku. Why are you here?”

“Your friend is in danger,” Kagyu answers, trying to keep an eye on the guy and scan his surroundings at the same time. Just walking right in was a pretty foolish move when he doesn’t know how many of Utsuho’s group are in here or even if he can convince them of what use he has. Still, he’s not running off now.

A second person watches him from a futon on the floor. It’s the probably-doctor, if he’s remembering right. Next to the futon sits the guy whose throat got gouged open, and through an open partition he finally spots his target. The man is tucked in with care, unstirring and too pale.

“Do you mean Uzume?” the probably-doctor asks without sitting up. “How--”

Cutting in, Kagyu says, “I just…”

What, exactly, should he tell them? He just came looking for some guy who beat him in a fight? Out of what? Concern?

“... knew,” he settles on. “Is it blood loss?” he asks as if he isn’t already nearly certain. This is his chance to explain before they attack, so he pushes on, elaborating, “Many of the Ashiwara people have a rare blood type. I learned that when I was an experimental subject. I learned a lot about myself then. I bet my blood type will match his.”

That green-haired guy remains on guard between him and his countryman, skepticism clear in the pull of his mouth.

“You’ll give him your blood?” the guy asks. “Why?”

The next part is hard to say, but as Kagyu is trying to save a life now, he swallows his grief and answers, “Gin-san is gone now, defeated, so I see no reason for us to fight. Also, there aren’t many of our people left. For even one to die now just isn’t… right.”

If baring his heart doesn’t work he is prepared to beg, because this is about his last chance to feel useful and do something good before he leaves the world, but the green-haired guy and the probably-doctor appear to wordlessly confer for mere moments before reaching a decision.

“I’ll check your blood type,” the (almost certainly a) doctor says.

Kagyu feels his knees nearly buckle right then and there from relief.

“Thank you,” he says.

@ @ @

The procedure isn’t that difficult, and it doesn’t hurt much either. The doctor makes Kagyu sit down on a futon next to the Ashiwaran guy while it’s happening and tells him to lie down and rest once it’s completed. That’s kind of nice, because Kagyu would like to see the guy wake up after all this. Hearing that he’ll live is one thing, but witnessing his revival will be another.

Even lying down, the blood loss makes him dizzy. Kagyu keeps expecting someone to tie him up, knock him out, or even just call the guards now that he’s served his purpose, but no one really seems to be paying much attention to him. The doctor has gone back to resting, the guy sitting by the doctor’s side has barely moved and not spoken, and the green-haired guy is focused mainly on his unconscious associate. Maybe Kagyu is so unimportant to them that they’ll let him crawl away once the transfusion shows its results. Maybe they just think they might need more of his blood and are keeping him handy in case a second transfusion is needed. Possibly they can just tell how weak he is and know they don’t need to waste the effort it would take to restrain him. Even if he was thinking clearly, Kagyu doesn’t know them well enough to tell. The room’s silence is somewhat nerve-wracking.

The tense atmosphere is finally broken when the Ashiwaran guy makes a noise and comes around. Immediately the green-haired guy begins fussing over him, somehow whacking their heads together in the process and coming out the worse for it. Kagyu does not envy him. He knows from firsthand experience just how hard that Ashiwaran guy’s skull can hit.

As soon as he notices Kagyu, the guy is on his feet and prepared to fight. Surprisingly, the doctor jumps to Kagyu’s defense.

“Believe it or not, Uzume, he helped you,” he says.

“He did? Why?” the guy (Uzume is what people keep calling him, but Kagyu won’t do that unless he’s certain) asks.

“No reason,” Kagyu responds, sitting up to much protest from his head. “I just felt like it.”

And, well, feeling like it _was_ his reason, wasn’t it? He’s glad this worked out. Kagyu has accomplished his goal here, so it’s time for him to leave. One last task to see to.

Now to find out if they intend to let him go, he supposes. Hopefully they’re feeling grateful enough to be generous in this matter.

Kagyu is able to get to his feet and stay there, but everything is spinning so much that he worries he’ll clip the doorframe on the way out. No one is stopping him yet, though, so he supposes it’s time for farewells.

“Bye,” he says. “I doubt we’ll ever meet again.”

Kagyu knows he certainly doesn’t plan on living long enough to.

The guy from Ashihara says, “Wait! Where are you going?”

Answering poses a dilemma for Kagyu. Someone who never really disliked him might not be too happy with the course he has set for himself.

“To find Gin-san,” he ends up saying. “I serve at his command.” For good measure, he tacks on, “And I won’t let you turn me over to the law!”

The doctor says, “But Hobaku is--”

“Don’t say it!” Kagyu half-shouts. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts. Taking a steadying breath, he continues, “You don’t have to say it. I already know.”

The room’s silence wraps around him.

Facing away from his countryman, Kagyu tells him, “And you’re right about what you’re thinking. To honor my sister, the one person I cared for, I should’ve stopped Gin-san from killing. Then this might have turned out better.”

It’s all wishful thinking, he knows. Gin had all the power between the two of them. Kagyu never could have had an influence. Still, it would have been nice. It’s a bittersweet dream.

“I couldn’t help him,” Kagyu admits, “but I can be by his side. Rama feels the same, I’m sure. My life is of no value… so being loyal to him is all that matters.”

“No, wait!” the guy calls after him. _“Everybody’s_ life has value! Yours too!”

Kagyu is sure the words come from a place of kindness, and it is nice to know at least one person from Ashihara can believe in a person’s innate worth. That doesn’t stop what the guy says from hurting. Kagyu’s only worth came from the slight use he had to Gin, which was, in the end, not enough.

“No,” he says, “I’m not like you. No one cares if I exist or not. I might as well be dead.”

It’s the truth. He knows it’s the truth.

Kagyu only makes it a few steps before his fellow countryman is calling out to him again, this time saying, “Try touching this.”

He turns to find the guy holding what… clearly isn’t an ordinary drinking chalice, based on the way everyone else is freaking out.

Looking him dead in the eye, the guy declares, “Touch this, and if your life is worthless, you’ll die. If you don’t die, then… it does have worth. Me, I believe in you.”

Kagyu takes in his earnest expression and realizes the guy is serious. He completely believes what he’s saying, and so do these other people, at least about the dying part. How interesting.

There is certainly an appeal in being handed an instant death. It takes away the troublesome task of deciding the means on his own. Kagyu laughs. Surely Gin would forgive him for this risk, even if it looks like he might not be making a grave marker after all. Someone else probably already made him one anyway, and it isn’t like Kagyu could ever make anything good enough.

“Okay, sure!” he agrees. He’ll go along with it, if only because of who’s asking it of him. “At least the end will be quick! So let’s do it and be done,” he says, walking back over. “Give it here.”

As Kagyu reaches for the chalice, he feels, with unusual clarity, the pounding of his heartbeat. He swears he can feel his blood itself flowing. Even though he wants this, his body carries the anxiety of a living being in danger.

His fingers have barely brushed the chalice’s rim when a violent noise splits the air. Fingers clamping down on instinct, Kagyu feels his heart stop.

For a moment.

And _only_ a moment.

It’s that lady the one guy was apparently successful in protecting from the iron poles after all, completely ignoring the mood as she says something about Utsuho wanting to know when people woke up. Kagyu hadn’t noticed her arrival. She leaves right away, never even acknowledging him.

The death chalice is still being crushed in his grip. His not-dead grip.

Kagyu’s gaze slides sideways, and he sees the Ashiwaran guy looking just as freaked as him. As Kagyu remembers to breathe, the guy’s legs stop holding him up.

“I… I’m alive!” Kagyu says, shocked despite himself.

“Yeah,” the guy says, his relief unmistakable. “You are.”

Kagyu hedges, “So I’m…”

“A worthwhile guy,” the Ashiwaran guy supplies, breaking into the most brilliant grin Kagyu can recall seeing in his entire life. It’s too much to look at. Kagyu doesn’t deserve it.

Handing the chalice back over, Kagyu tries to think of what to say.

“Um… thanks, and… so long,” he settles on.

Looking up from where he’s rewrapping the chalice, his countryman asks, “You’re still leaving?”

“Yes,” Kagyu says. “I’m not needed here anymore. I don’t know if I can live without feeling useful, and the only thing I can think to do now is still to make sure Gin-san at least gets a proper grave.”

“But… wait… what’s your name?” the guy asks.

“Kagyu,” he says.

“I’m Uzume,” the guy, now confirmed as Uzume, says, “and I think you should stay with us, even if it’s just for a while.”

Kagyu blinks, thrown. 

“What?” he says. “And _why?_ I’m not someone you want around. I tried to kill you, remember?”

“Well, you don’t have any orders to kill me now,” Uzume says, “and I don’t feel good about letting you go off like that. Can you even make it out of the castle how you are?”

“I won’t become some charity case,” Kagyu says.

Uzume asks, “What’s this got to do with chairs and tea?”

“He said charity,” the green-haired guy corrects. “He means he doesn’t want to feel like we’re helping him for free.” Turning to Kagyu, he adds, “And Uzume’s right, you look pretty unsteady there. Has anyone looked you over since the fight?”

“I’m fine,” Kagyu lies.

“No you’re not,” says the doctor. “If Uzume’s life hadn’t been on the line, I wouldn’t have let you donate blood. Fighting him must have left you covered in bruises, and you’re displaying symptoms of what’s likely to be a head wound.”

“That’s all fine,” says Kagyu. “I can still move, alright?”

“Why don’t you just sit back down?” the green-haired guy says. “You can rest here a bit.”

“Yeah!” says Uzume.

Caving, Kagyu sits next to the futon he was on earlier. He manages to do it gracefully enough, he thinks. Maybe they’ll stop trying to analyze him for weakness if his coordination stops betraying him. 

Uzume seems pleased by his compliance. Making someone happy is a bit like being useful, Kagyu supposes.

Still…

“You make plenty of talk about letting me stay and all,” he says, “but it’s not really up to you, is it? Your leader’s still alive, so isn’t that his call to make?”

The doctor asks, “Leader? Do you mean Utsuho?”

“Oh yeah,” says Uzume, “We probably should ask Utsuho. Where is he? I’ll go get him so we can ask right now!”

Sighing, the green-haired guy gets back to his feet. 

“I’ll see if someone can help me locate him,” he says. “You don’t know your way around, so you stay here. Don’t run at him suddenly when I bring him, alright? Doc mentioned his eyes were hurt pretty badly.”

“Wait,” Kagyu says, because this is surreal. “Are you guys seriously going through with this? Your leader aside, you do know I’m a killer, right? Won’t sheltering me jeopardize your standing here?”

Already on his way out, the green-haired guy calls back, “That’s for Thread-Eyes to worry about.” He shuts the door as he leaves.

Kagyu sits, trying to process. Thread-Eyes? Is that what that guy calls Utsuho? This could be a lie to keep him from running off while the authorities head over. That lady could potentially have contacted them. Still, if it is a lie, Uzume doesn’t seem to be in on it. From what Kagyu has seen, he is too honest with his emotions for that kind of manipulation.

Uzume is happy that he’s here, and, for whatever reason, Uzume wants him to stick around. Staying probably can’t hurt too much. If Utsuho decides to consider him at all, Kagyu figures he can offer his services.

He is sure he can manage to make himself useful.

@ @ @

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The manga's official translation had some inconsistencies, so in this fic, the Ashiwara people from Ashihara are Ashiwaran. 
> 
> If you made it this far, congratulations! From this point forwards, scenes will be divergent from canon. Nothing else will be that close, except hopefully my characterization and accuracy when mentioning past events.
> 
> Apologies for my incomplete honorifics system, but the research there is a lot of work. I will make edits on it later.
> 
> Several chapters are already written, so expect to see the next one in a week. Hope you come back for it!


	2. Chapter 2

Utsuho is smaller than Kagyu remembers him being. Kagyu almost doesn’t recognize him, actually, since his hair is down and he’s not wearing his usual outfit. He walks in unaided, the lady from before at his side and a tanuki at his heels. Bandages completely cover his eyes.

Uzume is on his feet at once, bounding over as he cries out, “Utsuho! You’re okay! I’m so glad!”

He clings to his leader, Utsuho putting an arm around his shoulder in return. Grinning, Utsuho gives Uzume’s hair a fond ruffle.

“Yeah, I’m healing up well,” he says. “Glad you finally woke up.”

“Sissy says my confabulate came to help me,” says Uzume.

“Confabulate? You mean compatriot?” Utsuho asks.

Uzume nods, even though Kagyu isn’t sure Utsuho can see it.

“Yeah! Spiral-Guy showed up,” he says. “Didn’t Choza tell you? Wait, where is Choza?”

“Choza and Hikae went to find the others,” Utsuho says. “He did mention that guy had stopped by. Is he still here?”

Kagyu is by no means hidden, which means Utsuho _can’t_ see with those bandages, at least not well enough for basic perception. Kagyu wonders how permanent the damage is. Making an appeal without visuals is sure to be a bit harder, but Kagyu is resolved to give it his all anyway.

Uzume nods again, turning to point as he says, “Yeah, he’s right there.”

Utsuho must be good at following his voice, because when he turns to “look,” his attempt is only a couple shaku off. He smiles the unreadable smile of a master liar, and Kagyu feels a chill run down his spine. By staying as he has, he has essentially thrown his fate into this person’s hands.

“Alright then, “Spiral-Guy,”” Utsuho says, “What led you back to the castle?”

It looks like the interrogation has begun. Kagyu swallows, trying to formulate a good reply within a reasonable amount of time. Anything might sound like a lie if it takes him too long to say, and his audience has no reason to trust him anyway.

Kagyu doesn’t know how much of a chance he has here, but he doesn’t think the deal he is offering is a bad one. Surely answering questions compliantly will lead to points in his favor, especially if he tops it off with a generous portion of respectful language.

Adopting a proper kneeling posture, Kagyu responds, “I came seeking information regarding the state of our conflict’s outcome, Utsuho-sama.”

Utsuho quickly corrects his direction to face Kagyu head on, still giving no other tells as to his state. He hasn’t stopped grinning yet.

“Oh?” he questions, tilting his head the slightest bit. The action holds an air of calculation, and Kagyu wonders if it’s unintentional or an intimidation tactic. “What have you uncovered so far, in this search of yours? Got any helpers we should know about?”

“I haven’t seen any of Gin-san’s affiliates since my defeat,” Kagyu says, then winces at his blunder. Utsuho may take such a poor choice of wording as a jab at his lack of sight. Kagyu glances up, but Utsuho’s expression hasn’t changed, so he continues, “I am aware now that Gin-san is… no more, and understand that you have emerged as the victorious party. I have accepted my loss and do not wish for revenge.”

“Is that so?” says Utsuho. “You can’t keep the grief from your voice or even straightforwardly say that he’s dead. Even though you gave your utmost effort in fighting for him, we still killed him. Are you really sure you don’t want revenge?”

Utsuho is goading him, Kagyu realizes. He’s trying to get Kagyu riled up so he makes a mistake. It’s a decent strategy to employ, and recognizing that is what lets Kagyu keep his cool.

He is able to maintain a level voice as he answers, “My fight against Uzume-san leads me to believe your group as a whole values the preservation of life. However, going up against someone as skilled as Gin-san allows no room for holding back. I do not think malice was involved on your part, although I could be mistaken.”

Utsuho hums, seemingly satisfied by this response, or at least wanting to appear that way. The unnerving smile finally leaves his face.

“This began as vendetta on my part,” he admits, “but my friends were able to knock some sense into me. Our goal was to prevent him from causing further harm in the world, and locking him up somewhere secure would have fit those parameters. That doesn’t change the outcome, though. You’re still left mourning.”

Kagyu isn’t sure if an answer is expected. A scan of the room lends no clues, so he offers, “It is as you say,” and leaves it at that.

After a moment of silence, Utsuho asks, “Still, why stick around once you learned the news? Choza said you just walked right in here.”

“There’s no fancy answer to that, Utsuho-sama,” Kagyu says. “I wondered if Uzume-san had survived, so I tried to find out. The doctor made it sound as if he was dying, so I did what I could to stop such a thing. We’re of the same people, after all, and our conflict has concluded.”

“I see. Then you no longer consider him an enemy?” Utsuho asks.

“Fighting him was never pleasant to start with,” Kagyu replies, “but I try to be a man who follows his orders, and it was at Gin-san’s command.”

The door opens, and the green-haired guy walks in, followed by the little girl.

“I found the kid,” he says, most likely for Utsuho’s benefit.

Finally detaching himself from Utsuho’s side, Uzume greets, “Hi, Minamo!” 

The little girl’s expression brightens somewhat, and she says, “Uzume, you woke up! I’m so happy. I missed you.”

“Missed me? Why? I wasn’t gone or anything,” Uzume says.

“You slept for over a week! Anyone would be concerned,” says the green-haired guy.

The doctor says, “You were out nearly as long, you know!”

“Quiet down, you lot,” Utsuho orders. “I’m still questioning this guy.”

Gouged throat guy huffs and writes something, showing it to the doctor.

“He’ll ask that eventually,” the doctor says. “Probably…”

“What’s up, Yakuma?” Utsuho asks.

The doctor answers, “Oh, Tsukumo was wondering when you’ll ask for his name.”

“I’ll get to that later,” Utsuho says, crossing his arms. The tanuki starts climbing up his leg.

“Right! He told me his name,” Uzume announces, then scratches his head. “It was, um…”

“Kagyu,” supplies the green-haired guy. “At least try to remember things when you asked for them, won’t you?”

With a gasp, Uzume says, “That’s it! Kagyu _is_ his name. I thought it was something swirly!”

“What does that even mean?” the green-haired guy complains.

Waving one hand in a dismissive motion and reaching to support the tanuki with the other, Utsuho says, “Right, right, so we already know his name. No need to ask, then.”

“There’s your answer,” the doctor mutters.

“Oh, come on, Yakuma,” Utsuho huffs. “We were just fighting this guy! He almost killed Uzume!”

“What?! He did _not,”_ Uzume declares. “I totally slobbered him!”

“You mean clobbered,” says the green-haired guy.

Kagyu listens and learns what he can. It seems Utsuho doesn’t like him, which isn’t a surprise. That doesn’t mean he has no chance, though. Uzume likes him at least a bit, and Utsuho seems like he might be somewhat indulgent when it comes to Uzume, if all the ruffling and clinging is anything to go off of. The green-haired guy seems likely to back up Uzume, and the doctor might as well, though Kagyu is less sure about him. Whether he’s kept will be Utsuho’s decision, but as he does seem to be a guy who values his group’s input, the outcome is too uncertain for Kagyu to guess at this point.

It is getting difficult to hold the kneeling position. Kagyu hopes he is prompted to speak again soon. He may be able to sway Utsuho’s opinion of him with the right words, and maybe he will be handed a good chance to lay out his offer.

The lady, still standing between Utsuho and the edge of the doorway, flicks open her fan and brings it up to cover her mouth, exclaiming, “Oh my, his arm is shaking quite dreadfully.”

“His arm?” Utsuho asks, seemingly unperturbed by the tanuki patting his cheek.

“Yes. He’s been kneeling before you this whole time. It’s quite formal,” the lady elaborates.

At least someone appreciates his display, Kagyu thinks, although he would have prefered not to have Utsuho’s attention drawn to his weakened state. It is sure to factor in as a deterrent.

Pointing an arm in Kagyu’s direction, Utsuho tells him, “You can just sit normally for now. I’ve got a few questions to ask Yakuma, so you’ll just have to wait.”

“I will do as you request, Utsuho-sama,” Kagyu responds, shifting gingerly from his position. His legs are asleep and his arm can’t really hold any weight once he unlocks the joint, but he manages not to faceplant.

Meanwhile, the doctor lifts his head, asking, “Questions for me?”

“Yeah, you,” says Utsuho, turning to face him. “Choza mentioned this guy wasn’t doing so well, and you’re the doctor here. Can you tell what’s wrong with him?”

“I’d say the main problem is he fought Uzume ten days ago and hasn’t received proper medical attention since,” the doctor says. “I only saw part of the fight, but from that and how he moves, I can tell you there’s a lot of still-healing deep bruising on his body. It’s a fact that he’s suffering from mild blood loss as well. I would also suspect him to have some broken or cracked ribs, and likely fractures along his arms and possibly clavicles. Still, most concerning would be the possible head wound. After Uzume’s bout of amnesia, I think we’ve seen enough to take those seriously. He’s also running a high risk of infections with all this neglect. If we’re really unlucky, Uzume could end up sick from an infection in the blood due to that transfusion.”

“What?” blurts Kagyu and at least two other people. Uzume and the green-haired guy are now clinging to each other, the girl additionally latched on, expressions of dismay on all their faces. Kagyu is sure his countenance mirrors their distress. He failed to consider that his attempt at aid could cause additional harm.

“It was still the best option,” the doctor states confidently, which is somewhat reassuring. “Uzume probably wouldn’t have woken up without the transfusion, and his blood type is incredibly rare. I’m personally thankful Kagyu showed up when he did, and it is my belief that he needs treatment and rest before any further actions regarding him are decided upon.”

So the doctor _is_ on his side, at least short-term. That’s definitely a positive in this situation, because Kagyu knows he needs checking over. The blurry tint to his vision and weakened hands he’s had since his defeat are worrisome in how long they’ve persisted.

Setting down the now-squirming tanuki, Utsuho says, “That’s fine and all, but are you sure there’s nothing else to consider first? If we decide to hand him over to the authorities after healing him up and they decide to give him the death penalty, wouldn’t that be kind of cruel?”

The doctor near-growls, _“Utsuho,”_ at the same time as Uzume protests, “Wait, Utsuho, let’s talk about this!”

“Please don’t turn me in,” Kagyu interjects, heart in his throat. “If I’m to die, I’d really it rather not be by the government’s sanctioning, and I fear imprisonment would drive me from my wits. Any fate is better.”

“And what gives you the right to decide your fate?” Utsuho challenges him, grin back in place. At least he doesn’t appear angered by Kagyu’s breach in courtesy.

“Nothing, really,” Kagyu answers. “I was born worthless and I’m sure to die worthless. I’ve killed people and served at the command of a killer. There’s little good I’ve done in this world, and the truth of the matter is, people like me don’t deserve to exist. Still…” he trails off. He needs to find some silver lining, if only to alleviate the distraught expression forming on Uzume’s face. There is nothing he can think of, though. He’s such a failure.

Utsuho taps the corner of his mouth with one finger. “Uzume’s treasure suggests otherwise,” he says.

Kagyu takes a moment to process what he’s talking about, before asking, “You mean the death chalice?”

Utsuho huffs out a laugh, saying, “It’s actually called the Agate Chalice, but yeah, that. I heard you were able to touch it. That thing really _can_ kill, you know. I’ve seen its power.”

The tanuki wanders over and nearly falls into Kagyu’s lap trying to prod at his wrist spikes. Kagyu tries to move his wrists away but freezes when the tanuki makes a protesting noise and Utsuho frowns.

“Play nice with Pochi, you hear me?” Utsuho warns.

Kagyu gulps.

“Sorry, Utsuho-sama,” he says. “I just didn’t want this tanuki poking itself on accident.”

Drawing up to his full height, Utsuho demands, “Show some respect! Pochi ranks higher than you!”

Kagyu feels the sweat forming at the back of his scalp. Outranked by a tanuki with a dog’s name? Is Utsuho serious? He supposes it does make sense for Utsuho to find more worth in his pet than in a defeated adversary, but isn’t this a bit much?

“I apologize, Pochi-san,” Kagyu says, hoping he isn’t getting either the name or honorific incorrectly. Holding his wrists out in offering and feeling quite ridiculous, he says, “Please feel free to proceed.”

“Okay, thanks!” Pochi chirps, this time tugging at the spikes as if intending to pull them off.

Kagyu nearly jerks his arms away again in surprise, because he wasn’t expecting the tanuki to answer. Only in folklore has he ever heard of tanuki speaking, although encountering a creature from myth hardly feels like anything of importance now. Kagyu’s life stopped making sense when these people proved to be alive.

“Anyway, the Agate Chalice is said to measure worth,” Utsuho says, returning to the previous topic. “You touched it without dying, so at least the chalice thinks your life has value. And I think if you looked around, you’d notice other stuff too. Even in a room of recent enemies, there are people who will argue for your right to live. What could that mean for the larger world, full of people who have never met you? Or do you pass judgement against them all, simply because they aren’t your people?”

“Other people hurt my people,” Kagyu says, unwilling to budge on this stance. “Both Uzume and I illustrate this point clearly.”

“It’s true that people have hurt you,” Utsuho acknowledges, “but the ones who melted your skin aren’t the ones who beat up Uzume. And Minamo and Yakuma have never hurt either of you. The world is full of decent folks like them, too. Not everyone will hurt you or judge you based off of something as shallow as where you’re from.”

Kagyu doesn’t offer a response. The tanuki stops fiddling with his spikes and moves towards the doctor.

One hand resting against his hip, Utsuho gestures with the other, continuing, “It’s wrong for people to judge you for stuff you can’t control, but as you said, you’re a murderer. Taking lives was a choice you made yourself. That’s what the law would punish you for, if we were to turn you in.”

“Please,” Kagyu starts, but Utsuho cuts him off.

“That isn’t the only option, though. You did us a good turn today, helping Uzume the way you did. It’s very likely you saved his life, which is no small thing. I recognize that, and I’d like to repay the favor if I can, but I also can’t let you walk away if I think you’ll continue killing,” he says. “So, what will you do? What is it you want? There must be something, or I doubt you’d have stayed here to politely answer my questions.”

This is his chance, Kagyu realizes. This is the opportunity he has been waiting for.

Shifting back into a shaky kneel, Kagyu sucks in a breath and says, “As things currently stand, my life has no purpose, and thus no reason for me to continue it. However, Uzume-san seems distressed by the idea of my death, so I figure I might as well try to keep living. Utsuho-sama, please allow me to offer you and your group my complete services. You may use me any way you like for as long as you find suitable, and you may discard me at any time if you find me lacking. All I ask is for you to lend my existence this purpose.”

The room falls into silence, save for the lady’s soft murmur of, “Oh my,” and the doctor’s quiet exclamation of, “Whoa.” Kagyu keeps his gaze fixed to Utsuho’s feet, too nervous to read anyone’s expressions. Time passes in the measurement of his racing heartbeat, and then hurried footsteps approaching from a hall to the side culminate in a door slamming open.

“Yakuma, have you seen Utsu-- Whoa!” a girl’s voice calls out. 

Kagyu’s hand slips out from under him at the shock of the unexpected noise, and his chin hits the tatami, causing him to bite his tongue.

The girl keeps talking, asking, “What’s going on here? Are we back under attack?”

“Aagh,” Kagyu slurs, stunned into inaction.

“No, Neya,” the doctor says, “Kagyu isn’t here to fight.”

“Really?” she asks. “Then what’s with the blood?”

“Oh dear,” mutters the doctor. “Tsukumo, can you help me up?”

In answer to the girl, the green-haired guy says, “It’s because you barged in here like that! What’s even with that entrance?”

“Oh, Choza! You woke up,” says the girl. “And Uzume too? That’s great. I was getting really worried.”

“Hi, Ne-chan,” greets Uzume. “Good morning!”

“No matter how you look at it, it’s afternoon,” the green-haired guy says before continuing, “Shocks like that are bad for people, especially the injured! What if you’ve made his heart give out? He was already just about set to jump out of his skin!”

Kagyu twitches, realizing he should get back up. He makes it halfway to sitting before hands reach under his arms, offering assistance. The unexpected contact makes him flinch, but whoever is helping him doesn’t comment.

Utsuho asks, “Neya, where’s Hikae? I sent him to fetch you.”

“Is it because of this situation? I didn’t run into him,” the girl says.

Kagyu can see her now that he’s sitting back up. She’s another familiar figure. If this last person they’re discussing is the hooded guy, the whole group is accounted for. Somehow the final clash didn’t whittle their numbers down, although Kagyu doesn’t understand how such a thing is possible.

Gouged throat guy lets go of Kagyu and returns to supporting the doctor, who is now sitting next to him.

“It looks like you bit your tongue,” the doctor says, like Kagyu can’t already tell that. “Neya had me concerned there. How’s the damage? Can you still talk?”

Swallowing the blood, Kagyu says, “It appears so. I must apologize for my undignified collapse.”

“It’s fine,” the doctor hastens to assure him. “I think Neya managed to startle everyone this time. Still, I’m concerned about your state. You need to be examined.”

“Thorny thorns in his wrists,” the tanuki says, tugging on the doctor’s sleeve.

Glancing its way, the doctor says, “Pochi, I think that’s just his clothes. He is injured, though.”

Wringing her hands, the girl says, “Um, I’m still not sure what’s going on.”

“Spiral-Guy came to help me,” says Uzume.

“Yeah, he gave Uzume some of his blood,” the green-haired guy says, “and then Uzume thought it would be a good idea to convince him to stick around. Thread-Eyes grilled him and was about to make a decision regarding that, then you came in.”

“Isn’t that oversimplifying it?” the doctor asks.

Sighing in frustration, the green-haired guy says, “Well, Uzume simplified it even more, Doc. Besides, you heard this guy’s pitch, and it’s completely bonkers. Aren’t you the least bit curious how this is going to work out? I think it’s about time Thread-Eyes says something on this matter.”

“Yeah, Utsuho, what about it?” Uzume asks, bouncing in place. “He can stick with us, right?”

The room’s focus shifts to Utsuho, who scratches his head and shrugs.

“Well, at any rate, I don’t have any reasons why he can’t come with us,” he says to his group. To Kagyu, he adds, “So I guess you can stick around.”

Kagyu is pretty sure he catches himself in time to prevent visible sagging from the relief, but it’s a near thing.

“That’s great!” cries Uzume. “Spiral-Guy, you get to stay!”

He starts moving towards Kagyu, but the green-haired guy picks him up, saying, “Uzume, don’t. Can’t you see the Doc needs to look at him?”

“Thank you, Utsuho-sama,” Kagyu says, prevented from kneeling by the doctor and gouged throat guy. “I will do my best to serve to your satisfaction.”

“Serve? What? I’m still confused,” the girl says.

“I’ll explain it to you later,” the doctor tells her. “For now, can we start clearing people out? I have work to do.”

“Get him fixed up, Yakuma,” Utsuho orders. “I’ve got to talk to the princess.”

“I’ll come with you,” says the green-haired guy, letting go of Uzume. “I have additional information that might help with presenting our case. Let me fill you in on the way.”

The two of them exit, followed by the lady with the fan. The little girl tugs on Uzume’s clothing.

“Let’s go, Uzume. I bet you’re really hungry,” she says.

Uzume’s eyes widen, and he says, “Now that you mention it, I’m starving. Let’s grab some grub and bring it back for Sissy and Spiral-Guy and everyone.”

“That’s a great idea,” the little girl says, and they take their leave as well.

The older girl goes to follow them, but the doctor calls her back.

“Neya, could you ask someone to prepare a bath? It would be best for Kagyu to wash up before I dress his wounds,” he says.

With a smile, she responds, “Sure thing, Yakuma,” and takes off.

Without many people, the room feels much bigger and calmer. Kagyu can breathe a bit easier.

The doctor sighs.

“Kagyu, you can stop trying to act tough now,” he says. “Why don’t we get you out of your outer layer and have you lie down until that bath’s ready, alright?”

“Yes, Doctor,” Kagyu replies, relief dying down as the dread associated with baring his skin starts to sink in. 

“Oh, I forgot to make introductions. My name is Yakuma, and this one is Tsukumo. Tsukumo can’t talk at the moment due to injury, but has been communicating through writing while healing. If you can’t read, I’ll translate for you. You already know Pochi,” the doctor, Yakuma, says, “and that covers everyone present. I’m sure the others will tell you their names later. They’re not all jerks like Utsuho can be.”

“I’m Ponpokorii Chitchoriina the third!” the tanuki calls from where it’s picking at a loose section of tatami.

Tsukumo reaches for Kagyu, but he raises a hand, saying, “I can remove my own clothes, Tsukumo-san. You don’t need to assist me.”

“If you’re sure,” Yakuma says.

“I am, but I feel I should warn you, I don’t make a very nice sight. My skin’s pretty messed up, so there are lots of scars like this one,” Kagyu says, gesturing to his cheek, “all over my body, and the rest of them are bigger.”

“I see,” says Yakuma. “Thanks for the heads up.”

When Kagyu’s mostly-bare arms become visible, Yakuma hisses in a breath. Kagyu pauses, dreading the looks of disgust he’s sure to get. Barely anything is even showing.

“Don’t worry, I don’t think it’s too bad,” Yakuma reassures, “but that bruising looks painful. Did you use your sleeves to make those bandages?”

“It seemed the best option,” Kagyu says.

Yakuma asks, “Is it okay if Tsukumo removes the ones on your arms? You’ll be able to get your bath started faster if they’re already off, and Tsukumo will be able to do it more easily than you or I.”

Kagyu inclines his head. “Whatever you think is best,” he says.

Yakuma sighs again.

“I’m going to take that as a yes,” he says, “but I want you to know that, as a doctor, I take a patient’s consent seriously. If you can’t agree to something, tell me. Don’t just go along with what you think I want.” To Tsukumo, he adds, “There are scissors in my coat. I think that will work better than untying the knots.”

Tsukumo nods and scurries off towards Yakuma’s futon. Left to support himself, Yakuma shakes almost as much as Kagyu.

“As you can see, I’m still healing myself,” Yakuma says. “That’s why I will be counting on Tsukumo’s assistance while treating you. I figured you would be more comfortable with me than with a castle physician, since you’ve seen me work and participated in the transfusion. What I’ve heard about your life makes me suspect you might not have much trust in medical practitioners.”

It is true, Kagyu has only had one positive experience with a doctor before today, but it was monumental. Getting a new face was one of the best things that has ever happened to him.

He finishes shucking off his outer layer, then hesitates. Earlier Yakuma told him he should lie down, but then he wanted the sleeve strips removed. Is Kagyu supposed to remain sitting for that? Should he lie down on the floor or will he be allowed to use that futon from earlier? He’s still basically right next to it, so he wouldn’t have to go far.

Tsukumo returns with his writing supplies and a small pair of sharp-tipped scissors, and Yakuma resumes leaning against his side.

“If he starts bleeding, cut the fabric away at the edges but leave it over the wound,” Yakuma instructs. “Start by cutting through the topmost layer next to one of the knots. From there, cut through each layer individually. Try to lift straight up and away from the wound during removal. If there’s resistance, we might have to soak the bandage with water to aid in the separation. Any questions?”

Tsukumo shakes his head. _Set your arm here,_ he writes, holding up the paper and pointing to his lap. Folding in half over his knees, Kagyu ignores the twinges in his ribs to follow the instruction.

“Oh, good,” says Yakuma, “It looks like you can read.”

Kagyu nods, then winces. His head still isn’t doing well.

“Is your head bothering you?” Yakuma asks, like some kind of mind reader.

“My vision’s been a bit blurry and I’ve had a headache since Uzume-san landed a blow to my head,” Kagyu admits. There’s a tugging on the cloth around his arm and a snipping sound. “The reduced blood is surely contributing to my dizziness, however.”

“That sounds a bit serious. I should check your head next,” says Yakuma. “Hopefully the bath will be ready soon. You really need a long rest. Have you been eating?”

“Mostly rice, twice a day,” Kagyu answers. “It’s simple food, so everything’s stayed down.”

“That’s good,” says Yakuma. “We should try to get you back up to eating three meals and more of a variety, though. Meat in particular should help with the recovery of your damaged muscles, and vegetables are a must for staying in good health.”

“I will eat what I’m given,” Kagyu promises.

Yakuma sighs.

“Just eat what you’re able to,” he corrects.

“Yes, Yakuma-san.”

The fabric strips are removed from Kagyu’s arm. Fingers prod lightly at the area next to one of the scabbed-up gashes.

“It looks like there’s some slight inflammation, but nothing serious. Everything surface-level is healing properly,” Yakuma says. “Let’s do your other arm, then I’ll take a look at your head.”

@ @ @

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heh, "useful." Looks like Kagyu joining the group is off to a good start, with no major issues at all. Aren't we all so glad of that. 
> 
> The "interrogation" scene was really fun to write, as was everyone present. I hope you enjoyed it even half as much as I do!
> 
> Shoutout to PhD_ChefBoyardee for letting me know "Doctor" would already be inclusive of an honorific and therefore wouldn't need another one.
> 
> At this point in the story, Kagyu knows very little about the group or anyone in it. His perception of the situation is affected by this as well as other factors. It should also be noted that the group knows very little about Kagyu. Most of them are working off of data gathered through present interactions, what little was heard during Kagyu's first attack on the group, the information Utsuho got from Uzume after his second fight with Kagyu, and stuff Uzume (with some input from Choza) mentioned to Yakuma after fighting Kagyu and before fighting Gin, which wasn't much. (Trust me when I say: I have done the research, and they really know very little.)
> 
> Fun fact, when Yakuma said, "Don't worry, I don't think it's too bad," he was talking about the bruising, which is extensive but healing up well. Of course, it really sounds like he's talking about the scars...
> 
> On the topic of scars, I once saw a rough doodle of what Kagyu's look like on Iinuma-sensei's old blog. I will try to dig it up and link it one day if I can.
> 
> Spot the vague reference to volume two for bonus points.
> 
> Questions and comments are always welcome!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this story, ~ ~ ~ scene breaks signify the next portion will follow the perspective of someone other than Kagyu. Double breaks signify a perspective change.
> 
> I would like to thank PhD_ChefBoyardee for letting me know that Hime-sama is of a higher formality level than Rurihime. He also confirmed that Hime without an attached honorific is still a proper speech particle.
> 
> The next four chapters will be shorter than the first two, with this one being the shortest. Hope you enjoy!

~ ~ ~

Utsuho is limited by his lack of sight and Choza doesn’t know his way around the castle, but the servants recognize Utsuho and are able to guide the two of them to the princess. She is on a balcony on the third level, probably overlooking the town. Utsuho wishes Pochi had tagged along because he has an easier time asking Pochi for these details.

When he steps into an area with a stronger breeze, Utsuho starts turning his head about, trying to locate the brightness that indicates the sun. A vague variance in light levels is the only visual input he has been able to get since his eyes were slashed, but at least this helps him tell day from night. Utsuho already knows it is afternoon, but there’s something reassuring about finding the sun anyway. This, along with Yakuma’s prognosis, makes him hopeful about his recovery.

“Oh, Utsuho,” Rurihime calls when she notices him, “and one of your friends, yes? We haven’t met.”

“I’m Habaki Choza, Hime-sama,” Choza says, off to Utsuho’s side and about a step behind him. “Forgive me for not greeting you sooner, but I only recently woke up.”

“That you have recovered is indeed good news,” says Rurihime from a bit closer.

Inclining his head slightly in what should be Rurihime’s direction, Utsuho says, “Uzume also woke up this afternoon, so it is confirmed all my friends will survive now. His recovery was uncertain due to his rare blood type, but he received a most fortunate visit today.” 

“That’s wonderful,” the princess says. “And a visit? How mysterious.”

She’s interested, which is good. If he can spin this with enough of the positives mentioned, Utsuho figures he has a fair chance of selling her on the idea of Kagyu staying.

“Mysterious indeed, for it’s not a tale one would expect,” he agrees. “You might even know our visitor, Hime, for he served under Hobaku. His name is Kagyu, and he’s actually one of the two people the authorities have been looking for. Uzume defeated him ten days ago, and today he showed up and saved the life of the very man who bested him.”

“He made it into the castle?” Rurihime asks, alarmed. “How?”

“He’s been here before, so he probably knows something about the guards and layout,” Utsuho guesses, then reassures, “You don’t need to worry about him, because he’s no longer a threat to you or this land. I figured I should inform you that my group has taken custody of him so no one is disturbed by his presence.”

Rurihime asks, “Have you alerted the authorities?”

Here’s the part where things could get tricky, but as the princess hasn’t run off to call the guards herself yet, Utsuho figures the conversation is going well.

“No, and I don’t plan to do that directly,” he says. “I’m sure I’ll have to work things through with Hiruko, at least, but that can wait. It seems this guy was mistreated his entire life before Hobaku found him and took him from his situation, and with that in mind, I think it might be better to give him a second chance. We’ll watch him for now to see if he can live a life of good deeds, but I think today has been a promising start. Not every man would save the life of his enemy, especially not with such great personal risk involved.”

“That’s true,” Rurihime allows, “but are you sure he isn’t a danger?”

There’s a sound of rustling fabric from Utsuho’s side, and Choza speaks up, saying, “This guy can barely stand up straight, Hime-sama. He doesn’t have any weapons, either. Taking him down would be easy, but I doubt he’ll try anything. He just swore to serve under Thread-Eyes here’s leadership, after all.”

“With low self-worth, he’s the kind of guy who latches onto feeling useful, it seems,” Utsuho elaborates. “I plan to point that in the direction of helping others, until hopefully the day comes when his own hard work tells him more about himself than what other people have used him for. Still, we are guests here under your care. If our keeping him makes you uncomfortable, we will take our leave.”

“No, there’s no need for you to depart,” Rurihime says. “If you believe in what you’re doing, I won’t interfere with your judgement on this matter. The castle staff will be informed of an additional guest. I will, however, station an extra guard near your chambers. With so many injured, I would prefer this precaution set in place.”

“As you wish, Hime,” Utsuho says, satisfied with his success. “Thank you for your consideration.”

“I expect to meet your other friend later, now that he’s awake,” Rurihime says, “but for now I suppose you have things to take care of. Send along my well-wishes for your group’s complete recovery to everyone, will you?”

Utsuho inclines his head a shade deeper.

“Of course, Hime,” he says, not bothering to hide his forming smile.

~ ~ ~

@ @ @

Kagyu has nearly finished with his bath when someone knocks at the door.

“Yoo-hoo! Is everybody decent?” a voice calls from the other side. Kagyu is pretty sure it belongs to the fan lady.

Yakuma calls back, “Sorry, Iwashi, but we’ll still be awhile.”

After Tsukumo helps him dump the last bucket of water over his head, Kagyu begins the slow process of trying to stand up without losing his balance. With Tsukumo supporting him by the elbow, he manages.

“Alright,” says the fan lady. “I guess Kitty-Boy and I will have to eat these snacks somewhere else.”

The tanuki jolts up from where it has been curled on a futon. “Pochi wants snacks!” it announces.

“Looks like Pochi will be joining you,” Yakuma says. “No peeking while the door’s cracked open, okay?”

Somewhat ominous laughter is the only response.

Kagyu accepts the drying cloth he’s handed and uses it as a shield while the door is partially opened to let out Pochi, but the fan lady doesn’t try to look at him. Someone out of sight who he doesn’t think he knows starts telling Pochi about the variety of snacks they’ve apparently managed to gather, to the tanuki’s clear delight. The descriptions are enough to make Kagyu’s stomach growl. Something to eat would be nice, he thinks, but he’s not about to start asking for favors. It’s a bit of a relief when those three wander too far off for him to hear any more.

After drying off, Kagyu secures his underlayer back around his waist, leaving his tubes and still-empty acid sack with the rest of his clothes. There aren’t any injuries on his legs aside from some mostly-healed bruising and a small gash along his hip. Uzume’s weapon utilizes blunt force to cause damage, so all of the gashes Kagyu has are small, caused by his skin tearing from the impact of the staff’s ends. Most of the blows caught his arms or torso, so that’s where the bulk of the bruising is.

“If you could come over here,” Yakuma calls from his futon, “there are just a few areas that could use bandaging, and I would like to take another look at your head now that there isn’t blood matting your hair.”

Unable to escape the aid of a persistent Tsukumo, Kagyu makes his way over. After letting Kagyu smear some type of salve on his wounds himself, Yakuma applies the bandages in an efficient and well-practiced manner, only slightly hindered by his lack of strength.

“Watch your ribs for the next couple weeks,” Yakuma reminds him as he secures the bandaging on his torso. “No more putting weight on them like earlier. If you aren’t careful, a complete break could happen. You’re lucky it’s just fractures with how Uzume was going at you. Since there’s some swelling around your collarbones, I’m also going to ask you to be careful with lifting anything heavy above shoulder height. Take it easy with your arms as much as you can as well. They’ll heal more quickly if you get light exercise without overdoing it.”

“I’ll be as careful as I can while fulfilling my assigned tasks, Yakuma-san,” Kagyu says. 

Yakuma seems to keep forgetting what sort of position Kagyu is in. This could possibly be a sign that he doesn’t plan to ask much of Kagyu until he’s more able-bodied. Kagyu will be grateful if this proves to be the case.

“Nobody should be asking you to risk broken bones outside of dire circumstances,” Yakuma says. “I’ll give the others reminders to be respectful of your state while you’re healing, but I’d still recommend watching out for Uzume. He’s often clumsy and overenthusiastic with his affection, and he seems to like you.”

Kagyu wonders how much truth there is in Uzume really liking him. Uzume seems glad that Kagyu has remained in the castle and gained minimal acceptance, but he doesn’t call Kagyu by name. And what sort of affection is Yakuma talking about?

A hand against Kagyu’s temple jolts him from his thoughts. Yakuma turns Kagyu’s head gently, first inspecting the top of his forehead.

“You’ve got some bruising here, but no swelling. I’m going to push down on it a little, okay? Give me an honest answer about how much it hurts,” he says.

“I will,” says Kagyu.

The doctor prods at him with less force than anticipated, aggravating the bruise into aching but causing no further pain. It is easier than Kagyu expects to hold steady.

Yakuma prompts, “Well? How does it feel?”

“It just hurts like a bruise,” Kagyu responds. “That’s all.”

“Good,” says Yakuma, letting out a breath. “That means your skull probably isn’t fractured there.” Yakuma turns Kagyu’s head to the side, saying, “The last thing I need to check is this spot over here, then you’re free to rest. Let me know again on the pain, okay?”

Kagyu’s head took a blow to the side at some point in the fight, and Kagyu can tell it is the area that has Yakuma the most worried. The scab tore a bit when he washed the blood from his hair, with Kagyu only cleaning the area so thoroughly on the doctor’s orders.

“There doesn’t seem to be much swelling,” Yakuma comments, before pressing down a bit harder.

Kagyu hisses in surprise at the sharp pain this elicits. He jolts from the doctor’s grasp before he can stop himself.

“Sorry, Yakuma-san,” he says, once he realizes what he’s done.

“It’s okay, Kagyu,” says Yakuma, “but the bad news is you probably do have a skull fracture after all. That’s likely to be the cause of the vision problems you informed me about earlier. I’m going to apply some salve and a bandage, then you can lie down.”

“Okay,” Kagyu says.

It doesn’t hurt as much while Yakuma bandages it up, and in the end the pain fades back into a dull ache. Kagyu glances over at the futon he used earlier, but uncertainty wins out, leading him to crawl off a ways and lie down on the tatami.

“It’s fine if you use a futon, Kagyu,” Yakuma calls. “In fact, I would prefer it if you did.”

Kagyu looks over to where Yakuma has settled back into his own futon. “If you’re sure,” he says.

Yakuma nods, confirming, “I am. It will be simple enough to get Choza another one.”

Already crawling over, Kagyu freezes. He’s pretty sure Choza is that green-haired guy who’s close to Uzume. Now that he thinks about it, Kagyu realizes he owes that green-haired guy his life, which sure is… something.

“Choza refers to the man with green hair, if I’m correct?” he asks.

“Unless you mean Nibyo,” says Yakuma, “but I don’t think you’ve met him. Choza is the one who hangs around Uzume.”

So it _is_ that person.

“I can’t possibly take his futon, Yakuma-san,” Kagyu protests.

“Oh, Choza won’t mind,” Yakuma reassures. “I’m sure he’d rather you use it than sleep on the floor. Like I said, we’ll just ask for another one for him.”

Feeling quite uncertain, Kagyu nevertheless lies down on the futon. He listens as Yakuma asks Tsukumo to bring a note out asking for the tub’s removal, but exhaustion causes him to drift off before whoever is sent to do it arrives. His sleep is blank and dreamless.

@ @ @

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not a story about Kagyu falling into another position where he's exploited, not that he knows that. This _is_ a story about healing. Most of the healing is not actually physical, but boy did that fight rough everybody up.
> 
> (Most of the injuries Kagyu still has are a result of Uzume's amnesia.)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Gentle warning for those who struggle with thoughts of not deserving basic needs.)

Kagyu wakes to the smell of cooked fish, and the grief hits him all over again.

Gin is dead. Gin is _dead,_ and Kagyu has offered himself up to Gin’s killers. He doesn’t even regret this action, because he’s sure he’ll deserve whatever happens to him as a result. He’ll pay for failing Gin.

He hasn’t made Gin a grave. There was no way to barter that into his situation, tenuous as it is. He has been consoling himself with the thought that someone else might have done it, but what if they haven’t? Kagyu has no idea what happened to the rest of Gin’s group. He could be the only one still alive, although he hopes not. Certainly Uzume would have let him perish if the outcome had been such.

The light on the ceiling suggests early morning before sunrise. Kagyu is surprised he was allowed to sleep through both the afternoon and evening of what is now the day before. His stomach grumbles, and he wonders when Utsuho’s group will start to rouse.

He's still on the futon from yesterday. Yakuma must have been right, then, and another must have been procured without hassle. Someone seems to have put a blanket over him sometime in the night, because he has one he doesn’t remember getting. Kagyu realizes that, in his tiredness, he forgot to continue dressing after Yakuma saw to him. He’s still naked from the waist up. How many people saw the scars of his mutilated skin? He hopes anyone who saw has at least gotten over their initial revulsion.

Kagyu lies there and listens to the soft sounds of other peoples’ breathing. Maybe if he gets up now, he can find his clothes before the room’s other occupants start waking up. How many people are in here? He doesn’t remember any other futons laid out, but there was some storage space for them.

He should get up, but Kagyu can feel that pinch behind his eyes that means he would really benefit from a few more hours of sleep. Besides, he doesn’t know when he will next be permitted to rest. Is it better to get up now, find his clothes, and sit somewhere looking prepared, or try to sleep a little longer and hope he’s not expected to be ready until later?

Before Kagyu can decide, his thoughts are interrupted by a sudden thrashing noise some shaku away. With a cry of, “Gurf!” the person in the next futon over shoots to a sitting position.

There is silence for a moment, then a sigh followed by a muttered, _“Every_ time. Can’t he get someone else for once?”

Halfway out of his futon on instinct, Kagyu finally registers the speaker. It’s the green-haired guy. Choza, if he’s not mistaken.

The thrashing starts up again, and Choza leans in Kagyu’s direction, facing something on his other side. Kagyu pulls his blanket more closely around himself and sits up fully to see what is causing the commotion. By the time he peers over, however, everything is calm once more. Uzume is sleeping peacefully in a futon to Choza’s right.

While Kagyu blinks, confused, Choza turns enough to notice him.

“Did that wake you?” he asks. “It’s nothing to look so concerned about. Uzume tends to flail about in his sleep once in a while, and he usually manages to whack me at least once. It’s a nightly occurrence.”

Kagyu runs a hand across his eyes. “This is normal?” he asks, still a bit unsure. Uzume doesn’t look like someone who just caused a small ruckus. He snores on in obliviousness, face slack, a streak of drool shining wetly on his chin. His left arm is stretched halfway between his and Choza’s futons, the fingers loosely curled. Still, he is in the spot the noise seemed to originate from.

“Normal for our lot, I suppose,” Choza answers. “I’m going to try to get a bit more sleep. You should rest up too.” Reaching for his covers with one sleeve-encased hand, he gestures to the space at the top of Kagyu’s futon, adding, “Oh, and that stuff’s for you. The Doc raised quite a fuss to keep Thread-Eyes from eating that last night, so you might as well make an early breakfast of it if you’re hungry.”

Kagyu turns to look and discovers the source of the fish smell. A plate has been left for him, along with a folded bit of cloth and his container of facepaint. His stomach feels practically hollow, but he picks up the cloth item to inspect first. It proves to be a shirt, sleeves intact. Kagyu lifts it high enough to watch the way it drapes. As he suspects, the fabric hangs differently in his grip than what he’s used to.

“Um, Choza-san?” he whispers. “This shirt doesn’t belong to me.”

Propped on an elbow, Choza responds, “Your clothes are in a sorry state, so borrow that for now.”

Kagyu hesitates, running a hand over the material. This shirt is of a finer make than the clothing he tore up for bandages, he’s sure of it. Maybe he shouldn’t wear it.

“Just put it on,” Choza grumbles from where he’s nestled back into his covers.

Afraid of refusing a direct order, Kagyu does. It’s a bit big in the shoulders, and he has to cuff the sleeves to keep his hands free, but the fabric concealing his body is a relief. He then reaches for the chopsticks accompanying his larger-than-expected portion of fish and rice, but pauses as a thought hits him.

“Choza-san?” he whispers again.

Choza murmurs back, “Yeah?” 

“I never thanked you for saving my life.”

Kagyu isn’t sure what prompts him to say it now, when both of them are probably more asleep than awake, but it’s suddenly something he can’t keep to himself. Maybe it’s the unexpected mundanity he has found present in this predawn exchange. Maybe it’s because Choza is someone he now knows by name. Choza almost died to save his life, worthless as it is, and that matters even if Kagyu wasn’t his focus. Even if Kagyu doesn’t much care that he didn’t die.

The room is silent for long enough that Kagyu assumes he’s not getting a response, but eventually Choza lets out a sigh.

“It wasn’t for your sake, you know,” he says.

Kagyu nods, mostly to himself.

“I know,” he agrees, letting the conversation end.

Sitting out all night has left the food a bit dried out, but Kagyu has eaten much worse than tacky rice and clammy fish. A full plate of food when he hasn’t done any work yet is promising, to say the least. Kagyu hasn’t been mistreated since stepping into this room. He wonders how long such a trend will continue for. This group seems likely to keep him in decent enough condition with the precedence they’re setting, but with yesterday dedicated to the assessment of his state and assistance with recovery, Kagyu suspects today will be more telling in respects to how his future will play out.

The partition is closed, leaving Kagyu shut in with just Uzume and Choza. Neither of them seem to be getting up yet, so Kagyu sets down his empty plate and chopsticks and climbs back into his futon. It’s nearing sunrise when he falls back asleep.

@ @ @

The midmorning sun greets Kagyu as he wakes, and a soft breeze cards through his hair. Someone has opened up the room to let in the fresh air from outside.

Hurriedly, Kagyu rises and folds up his futon, stacking it in the storage with the others. Surely he’s overslept. He wonders what consequence Utsuho will set for him as a result.

The room is cleared out once more, empty save for him and a still-sleeping Yakuma. Kagyu recalls the doctor’s feeble condition from the day before and wonders what happened to him. Sickness from overwork, perhaps? It might not be his place to ask.

Kagyu’s plate and chopsticks have been cleared away, a discovery which makes him wince. His superiors shouldn’t have to clean up his messes. They should have woken him up if a task needed doing. Searching around, Kagyu is also unable to locate his undershirt and overclothes. His heart sinks a little. It was foolish to assume he would be allowed to keep them. The absence of his acid sack, however, offers no surprise.

At least they have allowed him his facepaint, he supposes, tucking the container into the shirt he has on for safekeeping. Whether or not he will be permitted to keep wearing his pattern is an issue he can worry about later.

While standing around wondering what to do, Kagyu suddenly recalls that he never learned whether or not Utsuho received the princess’s permission to keep him here. Leaving this room might be dangerous. On the other hand, hanging around doing nothing will surely come across as lazy. But perhaps he is expected to stay put? Will doing so be seen as a show of good behavior? He sits near Yakuma, puzzling it over.

A movement in the courtyard catches his eye. Making her way over with a tea tray is the pink-haired girl who burst in suddenly yesterday. Kagyu rises to greet her as she reaches the room.

Gesturing to the tray, he says, “Good morning. Can I be of assistance?” 

“Oh. Um, it’s fine,” the girl says, slightly flustered. “I don’t need any help. This is just tea and a snack I brought for Yakuma. Did he fall back asleep?”

Kagyu glances over, but Yakuma hasn’t stirred. “It would appear so,” he responds.

She sighs, setting the tray by Yakuma’s futon. “Hopefully he wakes up soon,” she says. “The tea will go cold otherwise. Oh, right!” Spinning back around, she asks, “Would you like a cup? I brought extras.”

There are, indeed, a total of four cups on the tray. Kagyu swallows. He hasn’t had anything to drink since the previous morning, save for a few hastily-taken gulps from the first bucket of his bath that he’s pretty sure went unnoticed.

“Some tea would be much appreciated,” he manages, attempting a smile. Surely there is no harm in accepting this offer. He needs to drink to survive, and there will still be plenty of tea for Yakuma even if he has a cup.

He reaches to pour, but the girl beats him to it, offering him a generously-filled cup. Concerned about spilling, he sets it on the floor and sits down. The girl joins him, pouring a cup of her own.

After fidgeting a moment, the girl says, “Sorry to ask, but I’m uncertain of your name…?”

“It’s Kagyu,” he replies.

“I’m Neya,” she offers. “You probably didn’t know my name either, huh? Don’t worry about it if that’s the case, Kagyu-san.”

“Uh. Just Kagyu, please, Neya-san. I am not someone deserving of such formality, although I thank you for your generosity,” he says, resting a hand against the side of his cup. The ceramic is hot to the touch, enough so that even Kagyu can tell it will leave his fingers a bit red. Spending years hanging by the wrists has resulted in decreased feeling in his hands.

Neya gives him a scrutinizing look.

“You’re quite formal, aren’t you?” she asks, the lightness of her tone adopting a forced edge. “So polite to all of us, especially Utsuho.”

“Of course, Neya-san,” Kagyu answers, uneasy. He hopes she doesn’t plan to continue this line of questioning. “I know my place.”

Frowning down at the cup in her hands, Neya says, “The others filled me in a little about what happened. Thank you for giving blood to Uzume. It was difficult to watch him lie there day after day without any change, but now he’s back on his feet and full of energy again. I wonder, do you know what’s become of your friends?”

Friends? People like Kagyu don’t have any of those, but Neya likely means the other members of Gin’s group. Kagyu shakes his head.

“That insane doctor and the small man were caught by the authorities,” Neya tells him. “They’ll probably end up with life sentences. I figure there’s no harm in letting you know. The other two haven’t shown up, but that girl should be okay. I’m the one who fought her, so I know none of the wounds she took were fatal.”

“Thank you for the information,” Kagyu says, not sure whether he feels more relieved or bitter about the others’ survival. Gin alone died, and he probably died alone. In the end, everyone failed him, even Kin. Kagyu never thought such a day could come.

“Something weighing on your mind?” Neya asks.

“It’s nothing of importance,” Kagyu says. His personal regrets are unlikely to find a sympathetic ear here, as wishing Gin alive is nearly akin to wishing this girl and those she cares for dead.

Picking up his tea, he risks a sip. It’s hot, but the slight burn to his tongue is worth the relief to his throat. After spending a moment just breathing in the steam, he takes another sip and sets the cup back down. His hands still tremble slightly, and he would rather not give Neya reason to notice. Utsuho’s group might have taken him in, but that doesn’t mean he should readily display all his weaknesses to them.

Neya looks like she wants to say something but can’t find the words, leaving silence between them as they drink their tea. Kagyu doesn’t like the feeling of awkwardness, but he has no real idea how to diffuse it. Instead, he continues taking careful sips, making the most of what may prove to be a rare occurrence. This is very nice tea, after all. Kagyu doesn’t think it’s a type he’s had before.

All too soon, his cup is empty. Neya reaches for the teapot again, but Kagyu sets his cup down on the tray.

“Thank you for the tea, Neya-san,” he says, “but surely it’s time I started earning my keep.”

“Huh?” says Neya, before it seems to click. “I’m sure everyone will understand if you rest these next few days. We’re all recovering as well.”

“I would rather do what I can to be of use,” Kagyu says. “Do you happen to know where I can find Utsuho-sama? I should probably report to him.”

Finishing her tea, Neya sighs and gets to her feet. “I’ll take you to him,” she says.

Kagyu considers protesting and asking for directions instead, because it feels like this is more hassle he’s inflicting. However, he doesn’t know his current standing in the castle or if he is trusted to be on his own, so he doesn’t voice his concern.

“Thank you,” he says instead, rising to follow.

@ @ @

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Hey. In case any of you readers need to hear it: Your worth as a person is inherent. No matter what you do or face in life, this fact doesn't change. If your basic needs are not being met, something is wrong. Nobody deserves abuse.) 
> 
> Uzume's sleeping habits (and Choza's related suffering) utilize information I got from the mangaka's blog. Luckily Choza's ribs held up in this instance, what with his recent injury. This fic is a bit too much like a medical drama already, haha... Stay safe, Choza. 
> 
> Some notes on names and honorifics: Characters address each other the way they would in canon at this point on the timeline in all cases excluding those involving Kagyu. I'm working with the official english translation, so name knowledge comes primarily from there. Nicknames and other name alternatives will not have honorifics added unless they already contain such. At present, I have not done the necessary research to have accurate honorifics between everyone. The story currently only uses -san and higher levels of formality, and may be missing some uses of -san. I plan to fix that later. Just wanted to get that clarification out of the way; I know this was an odd chapter for it. 
> 
> On Kagyu's rejection of -san: He's not trying to be rude here. It's my fic and I'll write what I want. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter!
> 
> **-** wWw **-**


	5. Chapter 5

Utsuho sits on a deck at the edge of a garden, his face turned up to the sun. The garden is beautiful, with a pond edged in rocks and some decorative trees, but Kagyu is sure Utsuho can’t see any of that. He seems content enough despite this, sunbathing with a lap full of tanuki. Maybe he’s in a good mood.

Leaning against a pillar nearby, Choza reads a scroll, seemingly managing fine despite the thick bangs covering his eyes. More scrolls are piled next to him, and a few snack plates are scattered in his general vicinity. Uzume rests at his other side, humming an ever-changing tune as he runs a comb through the little girl’s hair. It’s more of a domestic scene than Kagyu would expect.

Utsuho turns his head in the direction Kagyu and Neya are approaching from even before Neya calls out, “It’s me. Kagyu was insistent that he see you, so I brought him along.”

Kagyu bristles internally as they come to a halt. Neya’s description paints him as disrespectful, and he’s on thin enough ice as it is, seeing as he overslept. Perhaps she is displeased with him for asking her for assistance. He will have to take note of that to avoid such incidents in the future, if he can.

Propping himself up more and setting down the comb, Uzume says, “Ne-chan and Spiral-Guy! Have you come to sit with us? It’s a nice day to sit around and regurgitate.”

“Recuperate, you mean,” Choza corrects without looking up from his scroll.

Giving Kagyu no chance to answer Uzume, Utsuho asks, “Neya, how was Yakuma?”

Clasping her hands together in what Kagyu is starting to suspect is a nervous habit, Neya answers, “Asleep again. That fever he had seems to have taken a lot out of him. He was awake when I came around the first time, but it’s been so many days and he still can’t stand unassisted.”

Utsuho nods, thoughtful. “I guess we’ll be here a while longer,” he says. “What did you need me for, Kagyu? Oh, Rurihime granted you permission to stay here. You should be fine if you don’t wander too far from our group.”

“Thank you, Utsuho-sama,” Kagyu says, folding into a kneel. “I am here to receive my assignment. How may I be of service?”

“That stuff again?” Uzume whines, sprawling back out. “Stop talking funny and come sit with us! We don’t have to do anything today.”

The relief Kagyu is experiencing at his position’s increased security is joined by another positive feeling upon hearing that Uzume has been allowed the day to rest. Utsuho seems fine with both his presence and humming, and Choza is either Uzume’s assigned handler or genuinely fond of his company. Kagyu has witnessed Uzume be quite tactile with both of them, and, as demonstrated with Choza right now, neither one reacts with disdain. If anything, Uzume seems almost rewarded for his clinginess. Even the little girl likes him. Kagyu is glad to see him being treated so well.

Still, Kagyu knows he is not in the same position.

“Sorry, Uzume-san,” he says, feeling a bit guilty at letting him down. “You can relax, but I must serve.”

Tilting his head, Utsuho asks, “You must, huh? What if I don’t need anything done?”

“If that’s the case, I will wait here on standby until you have need of me, or unless one of your group members has an order to carry out,” Kagyu replies.

“So, you’ll sit with Uzume?” says Utsuho.

“If that is where you’d prefer me, Utsuho-sama,” Kagyu responds.

Utsuho shrugs, which is unhelpful.

Neya wanders over to sit near the little girl, reaching for a plate of rice crackers and helping herself to one. She munches on it while taking in the view.

Turning to the little girl, she says, “Your hair is looking lovely today, Minamo.”

The girl smiles back at her, saying, “Thanks, Uzume brushed it for me. He’s really good at it.”

Nodding, Neya agrees, “He does seem to be getting pretty good at it.”

“I can brush yours next if you want, Ne-chan,” Uzume offers, picking the comb back up.

Neya shakes her head, saying, “I’ve already done my hair for the day, but maybe next time.”

Choza huffs, grumbling, “You don’t have to let him mess around. Knowing him, he’ll try to put your hair up and end up stabbing you with your hairpin. Why risk it?”

“You’re no fun, Choza,” Uzume complains, then turns in Kagyu’s direction. “What about you, Spiral-Guy? Shall I brush your hair?”

Kagyu blinks.

“I’m not sure if that’s permitted,” he says. 

Why would Uzume even want to brush his hair? Is it something he likes, or does Kagyu look unkempt enough that he feels obligated to offer? Usually Kagyu has his hood, so hair isn’t much of a concern. At least, he used to have it. Kagyu misses the shade it provided his eyes with.

“Sorry, Uzume,” says Utsuho, “but I think he might be right about that. Yakuma says he probably has a skull fracture, so at least the part with the bandage is off-limits. It could be bad if that gets messed with.”

“Aw, boo,” Uzume pouts, sliding down until his head ends up against Choza’s leg. “You’re all a bunch of mud on the sticks.”

“You mean sticks in the mud, idiot,” Choza says. Looking up from his scroll, he informs Utsuho, “Spiral-Guy is still kneeling there. You might want to give him some kind of direction, Thread-Eyes.”

“Alright,” says Utsuho, unperturbed by the nickname. “Can I borrow a scroll?”

“Sure,” Choza says, picking up one of the scrolls piled next to him. Face shifting momentarily in Uzume’s direction, he asks, “Lend me a hand, Spiral-Guy? I think I’m a bit stuck.”

“Of course,” says Kagyu, hastening to take the scroll. He’s not sure what Utsuho wants with it, but it must have to do with him.

Kneeling in front of Utsuho, he offers the item, saying, “Here is the requested scroll, Utsuho-sama.”

Utsuho doesn’t reach out to take it.

“As you probably guessed, I can’t read at present,” he says, hands resting alongside Pochi. “It’s a shame, because that’s actually one of my hobbies. There’s so much you can learn by doing it.” Leaning back, he continues, “It’s fine if you don’t want to, but if you can, would you mind reading that out loud? You can sit by Uzume while you do so. I’ll be able to hear fine.”

“I will do as you desire,” says Kagyu, rising. This command he’s been given is much easier than he would have anticipated, but he supposes Utsuho and his lot are currently guests in a castle, leaving less chores for them to worry about. Plus, it sounds like this really will be useful, at least to Utsuho. Kagyu is glad to have something to do.

“Over here,” Uzume calls, patting the deck beside him.

Settling into the requested location, Kagyu opens the scroll and squints down at the words. The sun glares off the parchment and everything’s still a little blurry, but he’s able to make sense of it quickly enough. His speed shouldn’t be impacted too much. Clearing his throat, Kagyu begins reading aloud.

@ @ @

Around midday, the fan lady shows up to call everyone back to the room for lunch. Apparently the whole group will be present. Kagyu is nervous because there is at least one person he has yet to meet, and from what he saw and heard while with Gin, the guy is terrifying. He still remembers the man single-handedly putting a stop to that public execution. Someone who can apparently stand on equal footing with Kin is not someone Kagyu wants to end up on the wrong side of in a face-to-face setting, not without Gin or Kin with him. And they’re…

Well. Kin wouldn’t want him anyway.

Kagyu is pretty sure the morning went well. He seems to be off the hook for sleeping late, and he was able to read through nearly two scrolls without garnering any signs of disapproval. Uzume enjoyed his presence as well, so, all in all, he thinks the sore throat and worsened headache he now has were worth it. There is a decent chance he will receive some water when the group eats lunch, which will revitalize him enough to continue with reading if Utsuho wants that last scroll finished. Kagyu appreciates the break, though. He’s somewhat prone to losing his voice if he speaks a lot.

As they walk, Kagyu falls to the back of the group. So does the fan lady. Kagyu takes in her outfit, finally noticing how naked she is. He thinks he might die if he showed that much skin in public, but she doesn’t seem the slightest bit ashamed. Whether she’s dressing like that because she wants to or because she was told to is unclear, but she carries herself with utmost confidence. Her skin is very nice. Looking at it is starting to make Kagyu feel uncomfortable.

Catching him staring, she raises an eyebrow, amused. “Admiring my beauty?” she asks, stretching in a manner that draws attention to her sizable breasts.

Kagyu suddenly finds himself embarrassed and even more ill at ease. It’s obvious that she’s implying something, but to what purpose? Does she take him for some kind of pervert? Is she trying to get him in trouble? All he’s done is look at what she’s quite readily showing.

“Clearly it far outweighs my own,” he says, tone more bitter than he intends.

The lady sobers at once.

“Oh, that’s right,” she says. “I heard you were an experimental subject. Do you know the names of any products devised from the testing? I need to make sure they’re all banned in my settlement.”

“I don’t know any names,” says Kagyu, “but the scientists and guards all died nearly three years ago, and a fire that was started in the underground cells burned the testing center down. I never really considered any products could keep selling.”

“I see,” the lady says, seemingly understanding the role he played in those events well enough. “Still, I would feel better if you looked through what I have this afternoon. If nothing looks familiar, we might even find something to help your skin look a little better. You’ve got a decent enough potential, although it’s true you’ll never match up to me.”

Kagyu’s teeth snap together, and he breathes in deeply through his nose. It sounds an awful lot like she wants to test stuff on him, but she’s dressing it up as if it’s some sort of favor. Does she actually think she’s being nice? Maybe she saw him yesterday after he fell asleep and felt bothered. This could be a demand born of pity. Then again, he could be on the nose with it being about testing. She knows what he was used for; that much has been made obvious. Uzume must have said something. There's a decent likelihood the whole group knows.

Kagyu’s breathing threatens to go out of sorts for a few moments, but he’s able to keep it controlled. Once his vocal chords feel like they’ll cooperate, Kagyu gives the lady the response he owes her.

“You can do what you like with me as long as Utsuho-sama doesn’t require my presence and nobody else tasks me with something more pressing,” he promises, hoping something else does indeed pop up. He doesn’t want to become a test subject again, even if the substances used on him are more benign.

“Alright,” she agrees, a glint in her eye. “If you end up busy, there’s always later.”

Kagyu really wishes she hadn’t said something so ill-boding, especially as his heart has yet to settle. Still, she seems satisfied by her gains in this conversation.

He recalls how the distraction he caused that one time nearly led to her death. Some guy pushed her out of the way and died in her place. Offering an apology for that would likely be wise, since he’s trying to get along with this group now. Hopefully bringing it up isn’t a bad plan.

“About that guy who saved you,” he says. “I think I should apologize for my involvement there. Were you two close?”

Pulling her fan over her mouth, the lady says, “Oh, yes. We’re still close. He’s my taste-tester when I practice cooking, in fact.”

Kagyu honestly doesn’t know what to make of this response. What kind of denial is this lady living with? Wait, wasn’t she the one who got the wanted poster for carrying off that guy’s corpse? She doesn’t still have it, does she? Surely Utsuho isn’t the kind of person who would allow such behavior in his group. Kagyu wishes he was more certain.

Something about his expression must be funny, because the lady laughs, saying, “Don’t worry, you’ll meet Kitty-Boy at lunch.”

Kagyu remembers the hooded guy and doesn’t stop his worrying.

@ @ @

Uzume is the first one to reach the room, running in with a shout of, “Sissy, are you awake? It’s lunch!”

Choza follows after him, saying, “Don’t jump on him, Uzume, geez! The Doc’s already injured!”

Everyone else trails in, with Kagyu bringing up the rear. The smell of warm rice fills the air, wafting from the trays that have already been set out. Yakuma is propped against Tsukumo once more, rubbing his neck and wincing.

“It’s fine,” he’s saying as Kagyu walks in. “I know he doesn’t mean any harm.”

Arms wrapped around a petulant-looking Uzume, Choza sighs.

“That’s all well and good, but he should still exercise more caution,” he says. “Right, Uzume? Apologize to the Doc.”

“Fine,” says Uzume. “Sorry, Sissy. I’ll be more careful next time.”

“It’s okay, Uzume, really,” Yakuma says. “Though I would appreciate you thinking things through a bit more. Utsuho is bad enough.”

Kagyu doesn’t know what this means, but it makes Tsukumo scowl. It’s the first time Kagyu has seen such an expression on his face, and it’s kind of alarming. Features that beautiful shouldn’t be able to twist into something so off-putting; it just doesn’t make sense.

A few steps into the room, Kagyu stops to watch everyone sit down. Yakuma said he wanted him to eat more, which means there is likely a portion for him too, but Kagyu doesn’t want to claim one of the trays unless he’s absolutely sure it is for him. Pochi gets a tray right next to Utsuho’s. Kagyu would think that improves his chance, but he remembers Utsuho saying that Pochi has a higher rank. How is this group ranked, anyway? Kagyu knows he’s at the bottom, but where do the others fall in the hierarchy? The social order seems pretty laid back, and even Uzume with his Ashiwaran heritage is treated humanely.

Soon there are only two spots left and still no sign of the hooded guy who may or may not also be the mysterious Kitty-Boy. Kagyu tries to remember how many names he has overheard, but he isn’t confident in the information he’s gathered there. Did the hooded guy have green hair? Kagyu is sure Yakuma mentioned something about that… 

“Come sit down, Kagyu,” Yakuma calls, interrupting his musings. “Either spot is fine, it’s all the same food. You too, Nibyo.”

As Kagyu steps forward, a voice from behind him says, “Sure thing.”

He spins around, noticing for the first time the figure leaning against the inside of the doorframe. It’s the dead guy, only he’s not looking so dead. There aren’t great bloody holes all through him, and his arm is intact. It’s an impossible sight.

Screaming, Kagyu falls backwards. It’s a ghost, or a trick, or maybe he’s lost his mind. This guy was _dead!_ He can’t be here!

The last thing Kagyu hears before passing out is the laughter.

@ @ @


	6. Chapter 6

~ ~ ~

“Did you _see_ that?” Cat-Eyes chortles, tears of mirth streaming down his face. “I mean _gosh,_ of course you didn’t, Utsuho, but everyone else? His eyes just about popped from their sockets, and then he went down _hard._ What a riot!”

“I sure _heard_ it,” Thread-Eyes says, rubbing his ears in annoyance. Choza can sympathize. His own are certainly still ringing.

“Yeah,” Cat-Eyes says, “it was hysterical!”

“It’s not that funny,” the Doc protests, worried as he always is when someone else gets hurt. “Is he alright? Can someone help me check on him?”

“He’s only passed out, Doc,” Cat-Eyes says, still chuckling a bit. “Man, the rest of you were boring in comparison. I think you just _complained_ at me, Poison-Claws! What was even up with that reaction?”

“I got dragged over there to find you holding the severed head of my comrade,” Choza says, mood souring rapidly. “And keep in mind this was not long after I watched _him_ kill _you._ Anyone would be upset about such a crazy turnaround, so of course I had complaints. Let me up, Uzume, I need to help the Doc.”

“It’s okay,” the Doc says, “Tsukumo’s got me covered.”

Clinging to Choza as he has been since the scream, Uzume looks up with wide, watery eyes and blurts, “Banda got decarbonated?”

The room goes dead silent, save for Pochi’s continued eating and Cat-Eyes’s fading snickers. Choza freezes. Right, Uzume never saw the body. Damn.

Hissing in a breath, Choza says, “Decapitated. I should have been more careful with my words there.” Resting a hand on Uzume’s hair, he adds, “It’s not something you needed to know, but yes, Uzume. That’s… how it happened.”

Clearly uncomfortable, Ne-chan asks, “Um, should we give you some space, or…?”

“You were one of the people he was trying to kill, so I don’t expect you to hold any fondness for him at all, but to Uzume and me, Banda was someone important,” Choza says. “We’re going to end up talking about him sometimes.” Switching his focus back to Uzume, he asks, “You holding up alright there?”

“Yeah, I’m okay,” Uzume says, wiping his eyes on his own. “What about Spiral-Guy? Will he be okay?”

That’s the big question, though maybe not in the way Uzume means. Choza knows the disregard Spiral-Guy has for his own life isn’t going to disappear after a day, and then there’s the human worth and servitude issues. This new addition they’ve managed to pick up is a real mess.

“Do you mean with this right now? Doc’s taking a look at him, so he’ll be fine,” Choza says. “If you mean more long term, he’s got us to help with that, but it’s… not really as clear cut as okay or not, is it? He’s got his own messed up past to haunt him, but I think you’re good for him to be around.”

Uzume still looks uncertain, so Choza sighs and gives his hair a ruffle.

“It’ll work out,” he says.

Uzume doesn’t seem ready to let the topic drop, though.

“Spiral-Guy’s been… really different since the fight, you know? He’s been going around acting like he’s interior to us,” he says.

“Inferior? You’re right about that,” Choza agrees. “He was pretty uppity with his language back when he had the edge against you, but it’s like Thread-Eyes said yesterday. Spiral-Guy has just suffered a great loss, and he doesn’t really know how to move on from that. He… might not think he deserves to, so this is his way of taking that responsibility out of his hands, or something along those lines.”

“It bothers you, huh?” Thread-Eyes says. “That’s understandable. I could ask him to drop the formalities with you, but he’d only listen to me because he would think of it as an order. Also, I suspect it would make him worry for you.”

Letting go of Spiral-Guy’s arm, the Doc calls over, “Well, the good news is that his pulse and breathing are steady. It doesn’t look like his head took further damage either. Tsukumo and I will get him set up on a futon, but he should come around soon enough.”

“You do that,” Thread-Eyes calls back.

“Worried for me? Why would Spiral-Guy feel like that?” asks Uzume. “And why can’t we just tell him he doesn’t need to follow any orders? I don’t get it.”

Refocusing in Uzume’s direction, Thread-Eyes says, “Both of you were treated terribly because of where you’re from. Kagyu knows I’m a liar, so even if I tell him you and I are good friends, he might not believe me. And if you tell him, he might just think I’m tricking you into thinking that. You’re strong and skilled, so it could look like I’m keeping you around for your combat ability, right? He already thinks I’m some kind of leader you all follow.”

“Well, you _are_ the closest thing we have to a leader,” says Ne-chan.

Gesturing abstractly with one hand, Thread-Eyes says, “I do make most of the plans, but let’s think for a moment about Kagyu’s history. How are we to know what a leader entails to him? Sure, Hobaku had a partner, but that was someone else. Kagyu hasn’t said anything about how things were for him under Hobaku’s leadership, but whether it’s from that or something else, he clearly doesn’t expect fair treatment here. How is he to know _any_ of you have the right to do what you want? It’ll take him a while to figure out what kind of group we are, since he'll be skeptical of anything we say. Only with time will our consistent actions be accepted as proof.”

He pauses, tapping the corner of his mouth with a finger, clearly thinking something through.

Tilting his head, he shrugs and continues, “I guess what I’m trying to get at is that I doubt Kagyu considers himself to be part of our group at all. He doesn’t see you as a new comrade, Uzume, but as someone who can boss him around. If he’s told to be more casual with you, he’ll think you’re someone to be bossed around too. That line of thought… will probably conclude in attributing this presumed low status to your shared birthplace, and that kind of thinking won’t be good for his state of mind or faith in the world.”

“But that’s dumb! I don’t want to make him do stuff,” Uzume protests, letting go of Choza to sit up properly. “I just wanna be friends! Why does anyone have to tell him to do things? It just doesn’t feel right.”

Uzume’s voice got pretty loud for part of that. Choza glances over, but Spiral-Guy hasn’t stirred. The Doc and his tagalong are on their way back over, hopefully to eat something before Thread-Eyes stops focusing on addressing Uzume’s concerns and starts poaching the Doc’s food as he so often does. Choza saw him trying it at dinner last night, so he knows being blind won’t stop his attempts.

Honestly, Choza has been expecting Uzume to struggle with accepting this situation. Choza may understand why Thread-Eyes has picked the angle he has, but even he can admit all the groveling and compliance makes him uncomfortable. It must be even worse for Uzume, watching Thread-Eyes appear to benefit from Spiral-Guy’s self-inflicted servitude. It’ll be a real pain if this situation drags on for too long.

“It’s good that you don’t want to make him do stuff,” Thread-Eyes says. “In fact, it would probably be better if you didn’t. He likes you the most, and he wants to be closer to you, is my guess. I’m pretty sure Kagyu is more personally invested in earning your regard than he is with the rest of us. If he can consider you companionable without worrying for your position, you’ll be able to function better as a source of support for him.”

“Okay, so maybe that’s good,” says Uzume, “but what about everybody else?”

“Yeah,” says Choza, “what about the rest of us? You’ve had the morning to gather new data. Any amendments to last night’s plan? What do you figure to be our best course of action?”

“I’m glad you asked, Choza,” Thread-Eyes says. “As I seem to be the main target of Kagyu’s focus, I think it’s fair for me to play the largest role in taking charge when the situation warrants it. Like I said last night, I think that it would be ideal if all of you could do your best to avoid pressuring him into doing things. Don’t scold him for asking and let him pitch in if he wants to, but try to avoid seeming expectant of assistance.” Leaning back a bit, he continues, “I’ll do my best to keep him occupied when he needs it, but if I’m asleep or not around, he might get anxious. In situations like that, someone should probably find a task for him. Try to find something that’ll make him feel like he’s being helpful, and thank him for his work. Still, he should be coming to me the most when he’s looking to be useful.”

“It doesn’t bother you?” Ne-chan asks. “The role this situation places you in, I mean.”

“Oh, it _does,”_ says Thread-Eyes. “The -sama thing was amusing at first, when I thought he was just trying to kiss up to me so I’d let him run off. It stopped being so funny as soon as he said his life was so worthless that someone else needed to find a purpose for it, though. Getting people to grovel can be fun sometimes, but not when they believe they have no value. Then it just feels like picking on the unfortunate.”

“Why command him to carry out tasks at all, then?” asks the Doc. “In his state, he should really be resting. Wouldn’t it be better if you convinced him to take it easy?”

Crossing his arms, Thread-Eyes says, “He’s here with the intent to be _useful,_ Yakuma. He says he needs to be, and I won’t take that lightly. If we force him into inaction, I don’t think he’ll handle it well. There’s a decent chance it would prove to be a _fatal_ mistake.”

Choza is pretty sure he’s right. Spiral-Guy is only alive because Uzume talked him out of offing himself yesterday, after all. Sitting around too much will do nothing but make him feel useless, and he’s made his stance on that pretty clear already.

“I agree with Thread-Eyes,” Choza says. “We can’t keep him from seeking a purpose. It’s better to provide him with something that’ll keep him occupied.”

“Well, if you both say so, I guess I’ll go along with it,” the Doc says. “Still, keep his injuries in mind. I’m sure he’ll risk his recovery otherwise.”

“Just keep me informed on how he’s healing,” says Thread-Eyes.

“Of course,” the Doc assures him.

Raising her fan, Hime says, “I also have a question, Utsuho-sama. Swirly-Boy already agreed to help me with something after lunch. Is that still okay?”

“If you two already worked it out, I guess it is,” says Thread-Eyes. “Remember though, just because we’re all in a position where we can take advantage of him doesn’t mean we should. Try to stick to reasonable requests.”

“Noted,” Hime says. “This is just a one-time thing that’s important to me. It won’t become a habit.”

“Good,” says Thread-Eyes, before taking a bite. Beside him, Pochi is already halfway through their meal.

With the serious conversation seemingly finished, everyone starts back up on eating lunch. Choza is about to tuck in as well when he notices the silence at his side. Uzume is staring down at his bowl of rice, making no move to eat it. That’s never a good sign.

Maybe Choza should ignore it and leave Uzume to work through whatever it is by himself. Choza isn’t obligated to help him out with every little thing, after all. It would probably be fine.

Completely fine. Totally. It’s none of his concern.

… Argh.

“Uzume?” Choza asks. “What’s up? Not hungry?”

Uzume shakes himself out of whatever daze he’s been in, glancing over before looking back down. “Um,” he says, fiddling with his chopsticks. “There is still something I don’t understand. Why do you guys think Spiral-Guy still wants to die? I thought maybe he was better.”

Oh, so it’s something like that. Choza sighs. Only an idiot would see what Spiral-Guy pulled yesterday and assume things would all be fine now, but this is Uzume, after all. Choza will just have to think of how to explain it to him without making him upset.

Swallowing his mouthful, Thread-Eyes says, “Do you remember Kuroshiro?”

“What’s that?” asks Uzume, attention successfully grabbed. Already his shoulders are less hunched.

“That was the second place we ran into Thread-Eyes,” Choza contributes, not sure he likes what implications this topic being brought up could have. “You know, the place you got your treasure.”

A treasure that can kill the people who touch it. Yeah, Choza has tried _very_ hard not to think about exactly how Uzume got ahold of it. 

“Oh, that place,” says Uzume. “What about it?”

“After we saw that rat die like that, I was scared to touch the chalice,” Thread-Eyes confesses. “I think you were as well, but after all that annoying stuff that guy said, you were also determined. Success would mean proof of your own human worth. You wanted to show that guy, sure, but more importantly, you wanted to really believe it yourself. It was incredibly risky, but I didn’t actually feel I had a right to stop you. That, and I wanted you to believe in yourself, too.”

“And then I won the contest,” Uzume says, puffing up a little.

“Yeah,” says Thread-Eyes. “I got so caught up in that guy’s stupid comments that I forgot about the contest and let you win, but I didn’t bring this up to talk about that. I wanted to talk about your motivation there.”

“My motivation?” Uzume asks. “What do you mean?”

“When you touched the chalice, I think you did it to show to yourself that you deserved to live. It was a pretty surefire way of proving everyone who had ever said otherwise wrong, after all,” says Thread-Eyes, smiling wryly for a moment. “Kagyu is different, though. I wasn’t there, but my guess is he actually touched the chalice to prove to you that he _didn’t_ have any worth. His goal was to die and defy your belief in him at the same time, though he was doing it for himself. In a way, he kind of had the opposite reason.”

Hands over her mouth, Ne-chan says, “How horrible.”

“I believe it,” says the Doc.

Fingers curling more tightly around his chopsticks, Uzume asks, “Does he hate me?”

“Not at all,” Thread-Eyes assures him. “He likes you. He probably thought dying like that would end your worries for him in a way sneaking off elsewhere wouldn’t. Sometimes people think stupid things like that, when things are really hard.”

“Things don’t have to be hard anymore, though. He’s got us,” says Uzume.

“Kagyu doesn’t realize that yet, but you’re right,” Thread-Eyes agrees. “Give him some time. Like with an injury, he’ll start to heal.”

And like with any serious injury, he’ll have lifelong scars, but Thread-Eyes doesn’t say that part. He’s trying to cheer up Uzume, after all.

“There are some good things about him touching your treasure,” Choza says. “Now there’s some hard-to-dismiss proof that he has worth, for one. Also, there’s what happened when Hime clapped. Spiral-Guy freaked out, right? That means that, deep down, he really does want to live after all.”

“An excellent point,” says Thread-Eyes, flashing a grin.

Uzume asks, “So, he doesn’t want to die after all?”

“It’s complicated,” Thread-Eyes says, “but I don’t intend to let him lose his life, that’s for sure. Leave the worrying about that to me, Uzume. You just focus on being his friend.”

Uzume straightens, taking a proper hold of his chopsticks. “Okay,” he says, finally starting on his rice.

Good, he’s eating. It’s always a pain when he doesn’t. Choza would hate to worry about him, especially when this group has enough on their plate as it is.

On the topic of plates, Choza has a lunch of his own to eat. It’s only getting colder sitting there, after all.

~ ~ ~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...This chapter dealt with a heavy topic. Make sure you take care out there.
> 
> Kagyu's scream was actually the worst on Tsukumo's ears, due to their sensitive hearing. Tsukumo also had to do most of the futon moving.
> 
> This chapter hopefully helped give some clarity to the group's side of the situation. Most of this fic is from Kagyu's point of view, which lends a different lens to the story. 
> 
> Kagyu took a "nice break" from being the pov character this chapter, but he'll be back for the next one.


End file.
